So the Jewish high holidays are coming to a close soon, and today is Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish calendar. The schtick here is that we fast from sundown to sundown to give us an opportunity to be redeemed and forgiven for our sins throughout the past year. I figured that I would take this opportunity to apologize for my transgressions with respect to the world of sports this past year:
Donovan McNabb: I'm sorry if I ever failed to properly appreciate you during your tenure as the Eagles quarterback; any time you want to come by for some conciliatory Campbell's Chunky soup is fine with me.
Philadelphia Phillies: I'm sorry for doubting you guys during the dog days, and not paying enough attention to the great product you guys are putting on the field right now. This is Yom Kippur, so no excuses about how Penn's cable doesn't have Comcast Sportsnet.
My mom: I'm sorry for kicking your butt in our fantasy league last week. Arian Foster meant nothing personal by it.
Donnie Avery, Dustin Keller, Steve Breaston, Dwayne Bowe, Lee Evans, Donald Lee, Packers D, and Joe Flacco: I'm sorry for picking you up for a week just to see you do worse for that game than you did the prior and following games. 22 points between the 8 of you...
Julie Levine: I'm sorry for introducing you to fantasy football, I should have known how competitive you would be about it.
Philadelphia Flyers and US Soccer: I'm sorry for not paying attention to you even when you're winning, but come on, nobody likes a frontrunner and I can't stand watching either of your sports.
New York Mets: I'm sorry for berating you and your proponents, that's not fair. I wouldn't like to be treated that way if the Phillies were overpaid soulless choke artists.
Tiger Woods: I'm sorry for breaking up your relationship, but did that night feel as meaningful to you as it did me? Call me sometime.