Thursday, November 4, 2010

Goddamn you, half-Japanese girls!

So yesterday my brother brought to my attention the fact that Weezer just re-released their second album, Pinkerton, along with their pseudo-new album, Death to False Metal.  He sent me a link to a little review of the album, and reading it made me remember how much I liked that album and their first, "The Blue Album."  Sadly, the percentage of songs on Weezer albums that I enjoy sharply declines after Pinkerton, moving to right around zero at their fifth album, Make Believe.  However, I took the opportunity to reminisce and listen to what I have of theirs on my iPod pretty much all day, and I thought I would somehow tie their music into sports.  Because everything I do ties into sports.  And that's how it's gonna be.

So what I thought I would do is dedicate some songs on Pinkerton to various sports entities that I think personify the sentiment of that particular song.

Here's the bat son, I'll let you take a crack at it...

"Tired of Sex"-- the Philadelphia Phillies' regular season 2010, and now 2011

"I'm tired of having sex.  I'm spread so thin, I don't know who I am."

I don't know about anyone else, but I don't have the endurance to root all-out for the Phils during the regular season when the season is so long and such a formality after the past few years.  Yes, that makes me an obnoxious/spoiled fan, but I'm just not up for the task of another 162-game preseason.

"Getchoo"-- the Eagles' quarterback situation this year

"I never meant to do all that I've done to you.  Please, baby, say it's not too late."

After the first half of Week 1, the above quote was very appropriate for Eagles fans' sentiments toward Donovan McNabb.  Kevin Kolb was terrible and concussed, and we were displeased.  Then, Michael Vick excelled, and all was well with the world.  Then, he got his ribs busted, and we were right back to begging for forgiveness, this time from Kolb, hoping that he wouldn't be too emotionally damaged from the various quarterback changes.  Perhaps if/when Vick leaves after this year, we'll be singing "Getchoo" again.

"Why Bother?"-- Dwayne Bowe

"Why bother?  It's gonna hurt me.  It's gonna kill when you desert me.  This happened to me twice before, it won't happen to me anymore."

Curse you and your alluring physical talents, Mr. Bowe!  I keep giving you a chance to star for my fantasy teams, and you keep letting me down.  So next year?  We'll see how many leagues I draft you in.  Yeah, I said it.

"Across the Sea"-- that one Strong Side, Left Side superfan in Southeast Asia.  I know you're out there.

"Why are you so far away from me?  I need help and you're way across the sea."

Come on, a guy can dream can't he?  Why can't I have a cult following in some isolated region of China?

"The Good Life"-- Randy Moss

"As everything I need is denied me, and everything I want is taken away from me.  But who do I got to blame? Nobody but me."

Moss started the year widely considered to be one of the five best receivers in the NFL with an offensive situation in New England that would allow him to produce huge numbers, as he had done each of the past few years.  Then he opened his mouth.  He complained about not having a contract extension and dogged it in a couple games, and suddenly he was shipped off to the Vikings.  There, the lack of leadership on the team, a game with the Patriots team that Moss so respects, and an unsavory catering incident brought about his release from the Vikings, and now he's on the Titans?  You dug your own grave, Randy.  Now you have to lie in it.

"Pink Triangle"-- Cliff Lee

"I thought I had found the one.  We were good as married in my mind, but married in my mind's no good."

After the Phillies nabbed Lee in the second half of 2009 and he led the team to a World Series appearance and won the Phils' only two games in that series, there was a big hoopla over Lee's long-term contract prospects after 2010.  The Phillies figured Lee would want too much money/years, so they tried to get what they could out of him by trading him to the Mariners.  Well Lee later said that he really liked Philadelphia and would have loved to have stayed, and Philly fans were really worked up about it.  Well he led the Rangers to the World Series this year with similar team results (he actually lost both games he started, though), and now everyone assumes he'll end up a Yankee.  But he says he'd like to stay in Texas now.  Can't anyone give him a home?  Everyone thinks Lee's a long-term savior, and he just ends up leaving somehow anyway.

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