Throwing down analysis like a Donovan McNabb pass

We liked the Batman and Robin thing so much, we made a sequel.  The box office numbers aren’t in yet, though.

Bills over Patriots (34-31): my belief here is the hype over Brady breaking the yards-in-a-season record is beginning to go to his head (which in turn has caused him to throw as sloppy as Joe, whoever that immortalized-by-sandwich, careless-with-meat Joe was). if this is true (STAT-JECTION: 28 of Tom Brady’s 45 passing attempts came in the final 32 minutes of the game, which started with the Pats holding a 21-7 lead), it’s interesting that there is a pressure that Brady loses poise over, considering his consistent & effective leadership with a generally humble offense (sans Moss). there is an interesting thread in the NFL right now that makes a great case for an offense being made by the Quarterback… Rodgers (sans Jennings), Brees, and Brady are all helming explosive teams without, de facto, easily, explosive weapons. the counter-example being the game that follows.

Giants over Eagles (29-16): in mythology, more often than not, birds are fierce and formidable, and giants are generally dumb, underwhelming and mostly used as props to encourage shorter people to not take the whole “bigger is better” thing too seriously. but unfortunately, to the chagrin of Second Life users, this is real life… and in real life, the Eagles offense is a mess, proving their hype a myth, and the Eagles defense even less… (STAT-JECTION: Eli Manning had an 81.2 ESPN Total QBR in this game, third in the league this week) my prediction about Vick flopping is gaining more cred each game… (STAT-JECTION: Vick posted an abysmal 24.6 Total QBR this week, 26^th in the league, and is currently ranked 23^rd in the statistic for the season) but to his benefit, Vick shouldn’t have been playing that game whatsoever. and while many are singing is praises for staying in the pocket and playing the conventional quarterback role, one must remember that he wasn’t given a 100mil dollar contract to play Polly Pocket, but rather, was hired to act like loose change and slip through his own hole. considering the Eagles’ unremitting red zone issues, who better to throw up six than Vick… yea, seriously, Andy Reid, where’s the Vick six? at 1-2 it looks like the Eagles are going to do their best Sisyphus impression for the rest of the year. the only thing in good light I will say about the Eagles is that Lesean McCoy looks as bright as a bald head used as night light when options are tight.  (STAT-JECTION: McCoy is second in the league in rushing despite being 8^th in attempts, and with Chris Johnson, Arian Foster, Frank Gore, and Jamaal Charles essentially out of the picture, is well on his way to a top-5 fantasy season)

49ers over Bengals (13-8): this game was about as interesting as spraying a wet painting with a water bottle while also attempting to watch it dry. Gore looks like his bulb is out, like your favorite gardenias during winter. (STAT-JECTION: Gore has received 2 more carries than the aforementioned McCoy, yet has rushed for less than half the yards and three fewer touchdowns)

Saints over Texans (40-33):  Schaub and Brees both fulfilling their talent obligations. Henderson, again, throwing up big yards by catching Brees’ ideally-positioned throws. (STAT-JECTION: Henderson is 7^th in the league in receiving yards on fewer receptions than any of the top 20 receivers) Mark Ingram is beginning to come out of his woodwork like the face of a craftsman’s lover all outta muses. That game wining touchdown by Ingram had all the fire of a Peterson-esque run….something like a bull in a…..bull shop.

Panthers over Jaguars (16-10): Finally, a much deserved win for Cam Newton. Perhaps a little rain-addled, but this proves that Cam’s got what it takes to obtain a win even through stagnancy: by making up for 3 wasted quarters in the last half of the fourth quarter.  The only thing notable about the Jaguars was Maurice Jones-Drew, who threw up another big game, which says to me that unless defenses begin targeting him alone (which they should be…and more effectively) he’ll finish as a top 8ish fantasy back for the year (STAT-JECTION: Jones-Drew is currently 9^th among running backs, brought down mostly by his single touchdown thus far – keep in mind that after averaging 12 touchdowns a game from 2006 to 2009, he had just 5 last year)

Lions over Vikings (26-23): the second game the Vikings gave up a win when having a 20pt lead. (STAT-JECTION: The Vikings also led their first game by 10 points at halftime) that’s like if you were still to lose in a Magic the Gathering game after you’ve already depleted your opponent’s life total to 0… can that happen? apparently with the Vikings it can. nonetheless, Adrian Peterson put up a nice game for fantasy owners… (STAT-JECTION: Peterson has 36 carries in the first half of games this year, and the Vikings have led 54-7 after those carries.  Despite his team having the lead, he has 22 carries in the second half of games, and the team has been outscored 67-6)  as did Stafford attempting to join the league’s obsession with 400+ yard games this year. he’s not quite there though… like that Little Engine That Could… but not quite yet.

team of the week: Bills – they hadn’t won a game against the Patriots in almost a decade, come on.

player of the week: not Chris Johnson - where are the feet man (STAT-JECTION: Johnson has two feet)