After what I will inappropriately call a one-week hiatus, the Seder Slate makes its triumphant return (I mean, could you really say something took a break when it barely even existed to begin with?). If you’ve forgotten the rules (or didn’t know them to begin with – let’s be honest, my readership isn’t exactly legendary), take a look back at the first one. Three games, all the important questions answered. Unless you’re looking for a winner, then the Man Upstairs might be of more use.
What? Pittsburgh Steelers at Cincinnati Bengals
Why? Because we all want to know if the Bengals “are who we thought they were”. Though they are tied for the division lead in arguably the best division in the NFL, the Bungles’ 6 wins have come against teams who are a combined 16-27 without those losses included. They haven’t played either the Steelers or Ravens until this week either.
Who? You have to be watching Bengals rookie QB Andy Dalton, who’s my pick for Offensive Rookie of the Year. He’s completing over 60% of his passes and has a 12/7 TD/INT ratio (both better than hypemonger Cam Newton), but faces the famed Steel Blinds (not as reliable as a curtain, but can still do the job) for the first time. I feel like there’s a Red Rifle / Steel Curtain communism joke here somewhere…
How? Check this game out while you’re off the coast of Cuba waiting for the end of days. (There it is.)
What? Washington Redskins at Miami Dolphins
Why? If the Redskins hadn’t sold whatever they could of Rex Grossman’s soul to the devil to get to 3-1 to start the season, we could have been talking about two of the frontrunners in the famed Suck For Luck sweepstakes. Alas, the ‘Skins have managed to screw up their draft earlier than they normally do, while the Dolphins managed to keep it respectable by simply dominating the Chiefs last week (remember when the Chiefs lost their first two games by a total of 89-10? They’re 4-4 now). Now it’s just a crappy game.
Who? Redskins QB John Beck returns to the site of his greatest accomplishment: losing five games for the 1-15 Dolphins as a rookie in 2007. At least we’re seeing signs of improvement from him 4 years later; he threw one total touchdown in those five games, and has thrown two this year. Also of note: he came into the league as a 25-year old (oh BYU, you crazy Mormons), and has now reached 30 years of age with as many touchdown passes as Cam Newton threw last week.
How? Watch it with another game on. On the same TV. No, you don’t have picture-in-picture. Or DVR. Now you get it.
What? New England Patriots at New York Jets
Why? Um, because Tom Brady and Mark Sanchez are like super stud-muffins! No, that's not it. Oh, you want to judge Nick Mangold as a candidate to be the replacement for the current Vikings mascot! Really, that wasn't it? Duh, that's because you saw my cousin Dave Dameshek's list of the best names in football and want to pay your respects to D'Brickashaw Ferguson! There we go.
Who? Tom Terrific. I want to find out if the Brady prior to and including his Week 5 matchup with the Jets (averaging 68% completions, 375 yards, and 9.4 yards per attempt) still exists, or did the Jets game take something out of him? (averaging 63% completions, 276 yards, and 6.6 ypa since)
How? Grab your camcorder, iPhone, or easel and spy on the Jets – I mean, watch the game with better clarity. Besides, you won’t be able to see any of the signals behind Rex Ryan’s stomach. Or ego. Take your pick.