I had a brief (and totally real) conversation with the Triumphs, Tragedies, Trends, and Trail Mix weekly column, and I noticed in his tone of voice a hint of loneliness. So, I’m doing what it takes to maintain satisfaction in the Strong Side, Left Side workplace, and giving the old 4-T a friend. In the interest of symmetry, I’ll look towards the future, pointing out some of the games and matchups that I’m looking forward to each week. Spoiler alert: this column is not likely to include Dolphins or Redskins games. They’re downright awful, but their defenses are just good enough to avoid a Colts-style smackdown, which would at least give me something to talk about.
This column will have a similar flavor to the WD 4T ("Weekly Deets: Triumphs, Tragedies, Trends, and Trail Mix" abbreviated – yes, I just made it up), but with question words! That’s fun, right? Everybody loves the Four Questions. Wait a second... I think I’ll call it
The Seder Slate
(Ooh, and it rhymes this time!)
What? Indianapolis Colts at Tennessee Titans
Why? These teams got beat by a combined score of 103-14 last week, and now face each other in the Licking-My-Wounds Bowl. Tennessee at least has a decent record, while the Colts need to show up sometime, right?
Who? Titans RB and generally despised fantasy entity Chris Johnson has massively disappointed, earning roughly $1 million per 20 rushing yards this year after signing his big contract in the offseason. He faces a Colts defense allowing over 150 yards rushing per game, second-to-last in the league. Go big or go home, CJ.
How? Watch this game with some old, bitter Baltimore or Houston football fans. Then remind them that their current teams are better.
What? Detroit Lions at Denver Broncos
Why? The Lions are starting another losing streak after falling to the Falcons last week, while the Broncos aim to play more than 4 minutes of good football and win consecutive games for the first time since the middle of 2009. Oh, right and there’s….
Who? **skies part** The Lord God Tim Tebow. **cloud cover returns**
(Honorable Mention: Broncos kicker Matt Prater, who hit a 52-yard field goal last week in Miami that would have been good from 70. Now he’s back in the thin mile-high air. You do the math.)
How? Watch this game lying on your back; it’ll give you a close facsimile to how Tebow will experience the game, except he’ll have Ndamukong Suh lying on top of him.
What? Washington Redskins at Buffalo Bills
Why? Well, the Bills are hosting this game from Toronto, the capital of Ontario, and the Redskins are from Washington, D.C., the capital of the US. That’s worth something right? No? Hm, how about watching two teams with a combined 7 wins after Week 7 play each other that finished with a total of 10 wins last year?
Who? Maybe Rex Grossman can find a new job in Canada’s not-the-US job market. Watch for that during halftime.
How? Watch this game sitting on or around a moose. A stuffed one will suffice for now.