Thursday, December 8, 2011

Seder Slate, Week 14

Not that any of you are hanging on any of the words that I put here, but I’m sure you will understand that I skipped this past week of posts due to some busy times at the old university.  But fear not; I still have some entrees left to serve.  Can’t slow down just because there’s only four weeks left and the fantasy regular season is over, right?

Seder Slate, Week 14

WHAT? Philadelphia Eagles at Miami Dolphins

WHY? Michael Vick returns after a three-week injury hiatus in which the team went 1-2 (the two losses being of the sickening and embarrassing variety), only to face a Dolphins team that started off Sucking for Luck (0-7) but has won 4 of their last 5, outscoring opponents 140-53 in that span.  After all the acquisitions that both of these teams made in the offseason, I don’t think anyone thought before the season that this game would be utterly meaningless.  Hm, that doesn’t seem like a good reason to watch the game, does it?

WHO? Generally-considered-a-bust Reggie Bush has had a bit of a renaissance in the last six games, averaging six more carries and nearly twice as many rushing yards as he did in the first six, and scoring all of his season’s five rushing touchdowns during Miami’s recent surge.  After having just two 90-yard games in his 5 previous seasons, Bush has 3 in the past six contests.  Too bad Vince Young isn’t starting, or this would be a nice little 2006 Rose Bowl reunion.

HOW? Watch it while continually checking live news feeds for the next Miami Marlins signing, because God knows nobody’s actually going to the game.

WHAT? New England Patriots at Washington Redskins

WHY? It’s always interesting to watch matchups with teams that are opposites in some sense: one of the best quarterbacks ever (Brady) versus one of the worst (Grossman), one of the best-run organizations in football versus one of the worst, and colonial Americans versus Native Americans.

WHO? Rex Grossman has thrown for some decent yardage totals this season, and facing one of the worst defenses in the league in the Patriots (who, by the way, allowed Dan Orlovsky to put up a 30-37, 353, 2 TD, 1 INT line against them in a game where they were favored by 20), he might actually look decent.  Just remember to take the context into consideration, people.

HOW? Pats fans: check it out by lamplight; one if by radio and two if by TV.  ‘Skins fans: start up a fire in that old tipi that’s been collecting dust.

WHAT? Chicago Bears at Denver Broncos

WHY? This game would be interesting for the whole Cutler-Orton-trade thing, except for the fact that Orton was cut and Cutler is hurt.  As it stands, it’s two teams right on the fringe of playoff contention duking it out, and with both teams having certain losses left on the schedule (Bears-Packers, Broncos-Patriots), this is a big week for both.

WHO? Dude.  Tebow.  After completing more than half his passes and throwing for 200 yards for the first time all season last week (despite being just 4-for-6 for 29 yards in the first half), can he keep it up against a Bears defense that’s top ten against the run but bottom five against the pass?

HOW? The only way to do it: on one knee, fist supporting your bowed head.  Tebow.

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