We liked the Batman and Robin thing
so much, we made a sequel. The box
office numbers aren’t in yet, though.
Bills
over Patriots (34-31): my belief here is the hype over Brady breaking the
yards-in-a-season record is beginning to go to his head (which in turn has
caused him to throw as sloppy as Joe, whoever that immortalized-by-sandwich,
careless-with-meat Joe was). if this is true (STAT-JECTION: 28 of Tom Brady’s 45 passing attempts came in the final
32 minutes of the game, which started with the Pats holding a 21-7 lead),
it’s interesting that there is a pressure that Brady loses poise over,
considering his consistent & effective leadership with a generally humble
offense (sans Moss). there is an interesting thread in the NFL right now that
makes a great case for an offense being made by the Quarterback… Rodgers (sans
Jennings), Brees, and Brady are all helming explosive teams without, de facto,
easily, explosive weapons. the counter-example being the game that follows.
Giants
over Eagles (29-16): in mythology, more often than not, birds are fierce and formidable,
and giants are generally dumb, underwhelming and mostly used as props to
encourage shorter people to not take the whole “bigger is better” thing too
seriously. but unfortunately, to the chagrin of Second Life users, this is real
life… and in real life, the Eagles offense is a mess, proving their hype a myth,
and the Eagles defense even less… (STAT-JECTION:
Eli Manning had an 81.2 ESPN Total QBR in this game, third in the league this
week) my prediction about Vick flopping is gaining more cred each game… (STAT-JECTION: Vick posted an abysmal 24.6
Total QBR this week, 26th in the league, and is currently ranked 23rd
in the statistic for the season) but to his benefit, Vick shouldn’t have
been playing that game whatsoever. and while many are singing is praises for
staying in the pocket and playing the conventional quarterback role, one must
remember that he wasn’t given a 100mil dollar contract to play Polly Pocket,
but rather, was hired to act like loose change and slip through his own hole.
considering the Eagles’ unremitting red zone issues, who better to throw up six
than Vick… yea, seriously, Andy Reid, where’s the Vick six? at 1-2 it looks
like the Eagles are going to do their best Sisyphus impression for the rest of
the year. the only thing in good light I will say about the Eagles is that Lesean
McCoy looks as bright as a bald head used as night light when options are
tight. (STAT-JECTION: McCoy is
second in the league in rushing despite being 8th in attempts, and
with Chris Johnson, Arian Foster, Frank Gore, and Jamaal Charles essentially
out of the picture, is well on his way to a top-5 fantasy season)
49ers
over Bengals (13-8): this game was about as interesting as spraying a wet painting with
a water bottle while also attempting to watch it dry. Gore looks like his bulb
is out, like your favorite gardenias during winter. (STAT-JECTION: Gore has received 2 more carries than the aforementioned
McCoy, yet has rushed for less than half the yards and three fewer touchdowns)
Saints
over Texans (40-33): Schaub and Brees both fulfilling their talent
obligations. Henderson, again, throwing up big yards by catching Brees’
ideally-positioned throws. (STAT-JECTION:
Henderson is 7th in the league in receiving yards on fewer
receptions than any of the top 20 receivers) Mark Ingram is beginning to
come out of his woodwork like the face of a craftsman’s lover all outta muses.
That game wining touchdown by Ingram had all the fire of a Peterson-esque
run….something like a bull in a…..bull shop.
Panthers
over Jaguars (16-10): Finally, a much deserved win for Cam Newton. Perhaps a little
rain-addled, but this proves that Cam’s got what it takes to obtain a win even
through stagnancy: by making up for 3 wasted quarters in the last half of the
fourth quarter. The only thing notable about the Jaguars was Maurice Jones-Drew,
who threw up another big game, which says to me that unless defenses begin
targeting him alone (which they should be…and more effectively) he’ll finish as
a top 8ish fantasy back for the year (STAT-JECTION:
Jones-Drew is currently 9th among running backs, brought down mostly
by his single touchdown thus far – keep in mind that after averaging 12
touchdowns a game from 2006 to 2009, he had just 5 last year)
Lions
over Vikings (26-23): the second game the Vikings gave up a win when having a 20pt lead. (STAT-JECTION: The Vikings also led their
first game by 10 points at halftime) that’s like if you were still to lose
in a Magic the Gathering game after you’ve already depleted your opponent’s
life total to 0… can that happen? apparently with the Vikings it can.
nonetheless, Adrian Peterson put up a nice game for fantasy owners… (STAT-JECTION: Peterson has 36 carries in
the first half of games this year, and the Vikings have led 54-7 after those
carries. Despite his team having
the lead, he has 22 carries in the second half of games, and the team has been
outscored 67-6) as did
Stafford attempting to join the league’s obsession with 400+ yard games this
year. he’s not quite there though… like that Little Engine That Could… but not
quite yet.
team
of the week: Bills – they hadn’t won a game against the Patriots in almost a
decade, come on.
player of the week: not Chris Johnson
- where are the feet man (STAT-JECTION:
Johnson has two feet)